I thought I was doing ok. Serioulsy. Yes, we have our challenges with bringing home a 4th baby from the hospital to our already chaotic, noisy home and yes, we have some additional work to do since he is a special needs baby who also has congenital heart disease and is post op from his first heart surgery. But, I thought I had it sort of together and was doing well.

I was wrong.

Bo even asked me the other morning (a week or so ago) how I was doing emotionally and hormonally. If I felt like my hormones were evening out after giving birth 6 weeeks ago and felt like my emotions were calming down some since I’ve cried pretty much everyday since Gideon was born. Sometimes it’s tears of joy, but it’s some form of tears everyday and I never used to be a ‘crier’ at all. Apparently Bo noticed maybe I was not quite ok and was checking in on me and I had no idea. I just thought I was fine and doing well. Then I had a massive emotional break. A big one. It was not pretty. For a couple of days. Then funny things started happening…….

Funny #1 – Gideon has 2 ports at the end of his NG tube where we can administer meds or plug him in for a feeding. The 2 holes at the bottom of the below picture are the 2 ports. The 2 plastic nubs on the right and left are the plugs. This is what his NG tube looks like if both ports are wide open. You NEVER want to see it look this way. Ever. (that means stomach contents would be coming back out through the ports if they weren’t plugged. ick.)

In this picture below, both ports are plugged. Who of my medical friends knows what this orange thingamajig on top of the plug is?

The orange thingamajig is not a plug. It’s an extra piece of nothing that’s attached to the top of the plug. I have NO IDEA why. .The nurses at the hospital had no idea either. It’s almost like a funnel. you can see right through it because there is a hole in it, it’s not closed so it won’t plug the port although it looks a bit like a plug.

So, back to funny story #1 – Gideon had lunch the other day. He breastfed then followed up with an NG tube feed as was required at the time. When he is done with his tube feed, I disconnect him from his feeding pump, flush the line with distilled water and plug the port. I did all of that. Then I laid him on the floor for a bit while I went to put something away. I came back 1-2 minutes later and picked him up. I noticed there was milk on the floor. Shoot. He has never, ever thrown up or spit up at all. Not once. I thought it was strange that may have been the first time but I know he’s been getting too much to eat. I was holding him and walking around and my pants got wet. Down the front. I had no idea how, I couldn’t have peed my pants down the front of my thigh, could I? Hmm… I wondered. But I was wearing black pants and the wetness was white milk. Crap. Is Gideon STILL spitting up? Though nothing was coming out of his face. I keep walking around, my shirt gets soaked. Did I really just milk through my bra and my shirt right after feeding him!?!?! Seriously!?! How does that happen!?!? I hold Gideon away from my body to see if I’m soaking him too wondering how so much milk is pouring out of my body in so many places as to wet the floor, down the front of my pants and my entire shirt as well and I see it running from the end of his NG tube. The NG tube that I flushed and plugged. With the orange thingamajig that is not a plug. DANG IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! He just lost his whole lunch because my head is screwed on sideways. Oops. Sorry buddy.

Funny #2 – 15 minutes after funny story #1, I lay Gideon down to change him and get him ready for a nap. As always, I pre-load the diaper under him before I undo the diaper that’s on him. I’ve learned. That’s not gonna happen again. I’m a smart mama now finally that I’ve made it to boy #4. So I pre-load the clean diaper, take off the wet diaper, clean hip up and fasten the clean diaper. But it won’t stick shut. The velcro sticky side pieces are all messed up and not working right. It took me at least 5 minutes struggling with the diaper to FINALLY get it on him. I’ve never had such a hard time with a diaper in my life. It just wouldn’t work. But I struggled and struggled and struggled and finally got it on. Took a look at him………. the diaper was on backwards. Really. The sticky tabs were fastened in the back. Yep. No wonder I had a hard time with it. Wow. Is my head even attached? (I’m using disposable diapers, not even cloth!)

Funny #3 – Fast forward to the next day. I’m cutting back on his NG tube feeds because I know he is getting way too much food. Now I need to get pre & post breastfeeding weights to ensure he is actually getting milk from me when he breasfeeds and that’s the only way to do it. Weigh him before he eats then again after and see how much he took in. But I don’t have a baby scale… I only have a food scale. That should work! I throw the bowl on top of the food scale because I figure it will steady the broiler pan I stacked on top of it and evenly distribute the weight. Throw a blanket on it so it’s comfortable and zero it out. Put the baby on the scale. Error. Take the baby off. 0. Put him back on. Error. Take him back off. 0. Put  him back on. Error. Take him back off. You can see where this goes….. I finally use my own weight to learn that the scale only goes up to 5 lbs. Gideon weighs more than 5 lbs. This won’t work. Dang it!!!!!!

Brilliant idea #2 for weighing him. Get  my scale! I have a digital scale that I use everyday and I can use that to weigh him! Bring it downstairs, put it on the counter, throw the blanket on it, throw the baby on top of that. Nothing. Nada. Take him off, put him back on, nothing. Try 1 more time. Realize he is too light to engage the scale so I decide that I can hold him to get his pre and post weights. Yes, you know where this story is going, I did not know that then. I put the scale on the floor, hold Gideon, stand on the scale. CHECK! I have his pre breasfeeding weight. We sit on the couch, he eats for 10-15 minutes while I’m googling away ‘how many milliliters in a pound’ so I can break down the weight from pounds on the scale to milliliters so I can figure out if he still needs to get food from the NG tube when he’s done. I googled pounds to ounces, milliliters, kilograms, on and on it went. Then we got back on the scale. Together. After he ate. For real. This actually happened. I’m not writing comedy. I’m writing what actually happened in my home, to me, in real life.

I’ve now got a hold of an actual infant scale so I can get somewhat of an idea but it’s not as accurate as the hospital scales so I’ll use it more to just track his overall weight rather than pre & post breasfeed weights.
My funnies have made me realize that I have scrambled eggs for brains right now and maybe I’m not handling it all as well as I thought I was? I don’t feel like I’ve completely lost all my marbles but maybe that’s just part of losing your marbles, is that you don’t know when they are gone? LOL. I have no idea. It is pretty gosh darn funny though. I’m shocked I can tell these stories about myself because, just wow. I’m thankful that I can laugh at them with you though so you’re not all just laughing at my expense, I can join you in it! :)

Maybe I should have a personal prayer request for my own mental and emotional health and brain function? :)

Pray for poop please! We are way late for a poop…..

3 Replies to “Scrambledeggsforbrains…”

  1. Wow! It’s good to laugh at ourselves. Clearly we are funny or comedians wouldn’t have jobs. And, I will pray for poop!! God is good and I believe he like a good laugh too … so poop it is! 😘😘

  2. You are doing fantastic! And that thing is a cath-tip adapter. It’s used to attach different kinds of syringes/tubing. Like the “Christmas tree” connectors to the wall suction in hospital rooms.

  3. Kamryn came home on a feeding tube. One night I plugged her in to eat. Two hours later I get up and give her medicine, flush the tube and start the pump. Two hours later I get up to get be her medicine, only to find my baby covered in formula. I hadn’t closed the medication valve.
    The diaper thing, I’ve done that without being sleep deprived and hormonal.
    Keep it up, it does get easier!

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